Toxic people defy logic. Some are blissfully unaware of the negative impact that they have on those around them, and others seem to derive satisfaction from creating chaos and pushing other people’s buttons. Either way, they create unnecessary complexity, strife, and worst of all stress.
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Studies have long shown that stress can have a lasting, negative impact on the brain. Exposure to even a few days of stress compromises the effectiveness of neurons in the hippocampus—an important brain area responsible for reasoning and memory. Weeks of stress cause reversible damage to neuronal dendrites (the small “arms” that brain cells use to communicate with each other), and months of stress can permanently destroy neurons. Stress is a formidable threat to your success—when stress gets out of control, your brain and your performance suffer.
Either way, they create unnecessary complexity, strife, and worst of all stress. Studies have long shown that stress can have a lasting, negative impact on the brain. Please enjoy this commentary to your heart’s content @ 12 Ways Successful People Handle Toxic People. 15 Effective Ways Clever People Handle Toxic People. 10 Ways To Avoid Getting Into Debt In Your 20’s. Spot The Difference Between An Ordinary And Cancerous Mole: 14 Ways To Help You Prevent Melanoma. 15 Things To Remember If You Love A Person With Asthma. 15 Images Showing How Refugio Oil Spill Kills Lives.
To deal with toxic people effectively, you need an approach that enables you, across the board, to control what you can and eliminate what you can't. 12 Ways Successful People Handle Toxic People Home. 12 Ways Successful People Handle Toxic People Toxic people defy logic. Some are blissfully unaware of the negative impact that they have on those around them, and others seem to derive satisfaction from creating chaos and pushing other people’s buttons. Toxic people may make cruel and negative remarks to get a response, and this can be really upsetting. But having something else to focus on can help make it easier to avoid showing emotion.
Most sources of stress at work are easy to identify. If your non-profit is working to land a grant that your organization needs to function, you’re bound to feel stress and likely know how to manage it. It’s the unexpected sources of stress that take you by surprise and harm you the most.
Recent research from the Department of Biological and Clinical Psychology at Friedrich Schiller University in Germany found that exposure to stimuli that cause strong negative emotions—the same kind of exposure you get when dealing with toxic people—caused subjects’ brains to have a massive stress response. Whether it’s negativity, cruelty, the victim syndrome, or just plain craziness, toxic people drive your brain into a stressed-out state that should be avoided at all costs.
The ability to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure has a direct link to your performance. TalentSmart has conducted research with more than a million people, and we’ve found that 90% of top performers are skilled at managing their emotions in times of stress in order to remain calm and in control. One of their greatest gifts is the ability to neutralize toxic people. Top performers have well-honed coping strategies that they employ to keep toxic people at bay.
While I’ve run across numerous effective strategies that successful people employ when dealing with toxic people, what follows are twelve of the best. To deal with toxic people effectively, you need an approach that enables you, across the board, to control what you can and eliminate what you can’t. The important thing to remember is that you are in control of far more than you realize.
1. They Set Limits (Especially with Complainers)
Complainers and negative people are bad news because they wallow in their problems and fail to focus on solutions. They want people to join their pity party so that they can feel better about themselves. People often feel pressure to listen to complainers because they don’t want to be seen as callous or rude, but there’s a fine line between lending a sympathetic ear and getting sucked into their negative emotional spiral.
You can avoid this only by setting limits and distancing yourself when necessary. Think of it this way: if the complainer were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the second-hand smoke? You’d distance yourself, and you should do the same with complainers. A great way to set limits is to ask complainers how they intend to fix the problem. They will either quiet down or redirect the conversation in a productive direction.
2. They Don’t Die in the Fight
Successful people know how important it is to live to fight another day, especially when your foe is a toxic individual. In conflict, unchecked emotion makes you dig your heels in and fight the kind of battle that can leave you severely damaged. When you read and respond to your emotions, you’re able to choose your battles wisely and only stand your ground when the time is right.
3. They Rise Above
Toxic people drive you crazy because their behavior is so irrational. Make no mistake about it; their behavior truly goes against reason. So why do you allow yourself to respond to them emotionally and get sucked into the mix?
The more irrational and off-base someone is, the easier it should be for you to remove yourself from their traps. Quit trying to beat them at their own game. Distance yourself from them emotionally and approach your interactions like they’re a science project (or you’re their shrink, if you prefer the analogy). You don’t need to respond to the emotional chaos—only the facts.
4. They Stay Aware of Their Emotions
Maintaining an emotional distance requires awareness. You can’t stop someone from pushing your buttons if you don’t recognize when it’s happening. Sometimes you’ll find yourself in situations where you’ll need to regroup and choose the best way forward. This is fine and you shouldn’t be afraid to buy yourself some time to do so.
Think of it this way—if a mentally unstable person approaches you on the street and tells you he’s John F. Kennedy, you’re unlikely to set him straight. When you find yourself with a coworker who is engaged in similarly derailed thinking, sometimes it’s best to just smile and nod. If you’re going to have to straighten them out, it’s better to give yourself some time to plan the best way to go about it.
5. They Establish Boundaries
This is the area where most people tend to sell themselves short. They feel like because they work or live with someone, they have no way to control the chaos. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Once you’ve found your way to Rise Above a person, you’ll begin to find their behavior more predictable and easier to understand. This will equip you to think rationally about when and where you have to put up with them and when you don’t. For example, even if you work with someone closely on a project team, that doesn’t mean that you need to have the same level of one-on-one interaction with them that you have with other team members.
You can establish a boundary, but you’ll have to do so consciously and proactively. If you let things happen naturally, you are bound to find yourself constantly embroiled in difficult conversations. If you set boundaries and decide when and where you’ll engage a difficult person, you can control much of the chaos. The only trick is to stick to your guns and keep boundaries in place when the person tries to encroach upon them, which they will.
6. They Won’t Let Anyone Limit Their Joy
When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other people, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something that they’ve done, they won’t let anyone’s opinions or snide remarks take that away from them.
While it’s impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you don’t have to compare yourself to others, and you can always take people’s opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what toxic people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within. Regardless of what people think of you at any particular moment, one thing is certain—you’re never as good or bad as they say you are.
7. They Don’t Focus on Problems—Only Solutions
Where you focus your attention determines your emotional state. When you fixate on the problems you’re facing, you create and prolong negative emotions and stress. When you focus on actions to better yourself and your circumstances, you create a sense of personal efficacy that produces positive emotions and reduces stress.
When it comes to toxic people, fixating on how crazy and difficult they are gives them power over you. Quit thinking about how troubling your difficult person is, and focus instead on how you’re going to go about handling them. This makes you more effective by putting you in control, and it will reduce the amount of stress you experience when interacting with them.
8. They Don’t Forget
Emotionally intelligent people are quick to forgive, but that doesn’t mean that they forget. Forgiveness requires letting go of what’s happened so that you can move on. It doesn’t mean you’ll give a wrongdoer another chance. Successful people are unwilling to be bogged down unnecessarily by others’ mistakes, so they let them go quickly and are assertive in protecting themselves from future harm.
9. They Squash Negative Self-Talk
Sometimes you absorb the negativity of other people. There’s nothing wrong with feeling bad about how someone is treating you, but your self-talk (the thoughts you have about your feelings) can either intensify the negativity or help you move past it. Negative self-talk is unrealistic, unnecessary, and self-defeating. It sends you into a downward emotional spiral that is difficult to pull out of. You should avoid negative self-talk at all costs.
10. They Limit Their Caffeine Intake
Drinking caffeine triggers the release of adrenaline. Adrenaline is the source of the “fight-or-flight” response, a survival mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat. The fight-or-flight mechanism sidesteps rational thinking in favor of a faster response. This is great when a bear is chasing you, but not so great when you’re surprised in the hallway by an angry coworker.
11. They Get Some Sleep
I’ve beaten this one to death over the years and can’t say enough about the importance of sleep to increasing your emotional intelligence and managing your stress levels. When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, shuffling through the day’s memories and storing or discarding them (which causes dreams), so that you wake up alert and clear-headed. Your self-control, attention, and memory are all reduced when you don’t get enough—or the right kind—of sleep. Sleep deprivation raises stress hormone levels on its own, even without a stressor present.
A good night’s sleep makes you more positive, creative, and proactive in your approach to toxic people, giving you the perspective you need to deal effectively with them.
12. They Use Their Support System
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It’s tempting, yet entirely ineffective, to attempt tackling everything by yourself. To deal with toxic people, you need to recognize the weaknesses in your approach to them. This means tapping into your support system to gain perspective on a challenging person. Everyone has someone at work and/or outside work who is on their team, rooting for them, and ready to help them get the best from a difficult situation. Identify these individuals in your life and make an effort to seek their insight and assistance when you need it. Something as simple as explaining the situation can lead to a new perspective. Most of the time, other people can see a solution that you can’t because they are not as emotionally invested in the situation.
Bringing It All Together
Before you get this system to work brilliantly, you’re going to have to pass some tests. Most of the time, you will find yourself tested by touchy interactions with problem people. Thankfully, the plasticity of the brain allows it to mold and change as you practice new behaviors, even when you fail. Implementing these healthy, stress-relieving techniques for dealing with difficult people will train your brain to handle stress more effectively and decrease the likelihood of ill effects.
A version of this article first appeared at TalentSmart.com.
Anxiety is a disorder that affects more than 40 million adults in the United States.
It is characterized by feelings of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks.
Unfortunately, this disorder is often seen as something to be embarrassed of and hide from other people.
Many people live their whole life with anxiety, never identifying the signs and learning proper self-care.
There is an unfortunate stigma around anxiety that it somehow puts a stain on your mental health.
This could not be farther from the truth!
Anxiety can be a guiding force in your life – showing you your limits and forcing you not to put yourself in unhealthy situations!
Related Article: 13 Successful Habits of All Happy Women
Below are 12 ways that I have learned to manage my anxiety and build a mentally healthy lifestyle.
1.) Know Your Limits
This was a difficult one for me! I was an all-in or all-out kind of girl! I prided myself on my ability to be calm and collected in stressful situations. Instead, what those situations were doing to me was ruining my health and making my life miserable. I had to identify my physical and mental limits, and learn when to walk away!
Sit down with a pen and notebook and write down every area of your life that has stressed you out in the past year. When I did this, I discovered that my job, several relationships, and my career goals were taking the joy out of my life and replacing it with overwhelming anxiety.
Identify your limits and learn what triggers your anxiety. If at all possible, limit your exposure to these things. Distance yourself from toxic relationships and set up boundaries. Stick up for yourself! Stop putting yourself in situations that you know will trigger your anxiety.
Although it took me another year, I eventually quit my job and found a career path I was passionate about! I also set up boundaries with several toxic relationships that had previously had an unhealthy place in my life.
2.) Write It Down
When you feel anxiety creeping up, take some time to write down your thoughts. This can greatly help to relive your frustration and “cleanse your mind” of any unreleased frustrations and fears. A total brand dump!
Not too long ago, a situation triggered my emotions and anxiety – at 10:00 at night. After lying awake in bed for 2 hours, I got up and wrote down all my feelings and concerns regarding the circumstance. I wrote until I felt a calm drowsiness come over me – at 3:00 in the morning.
Sometimes, it may take longer than you think! But it is always a good idea to “get it out of your system” instead of holding it in and causing increased anxiety.
For me, this is the best way to calm my mind in a moment of stress. It is also a great way to discover any anxiety triggers that I didn’t know about previously.
3.) Go Outside and Enjoy Nature
Did you know that your body wasn’t even created to stay indoors? Going outside, breathing in fresh air, and getting in some exercise is a vital part of staying healthy and connected.
Most of us work indoors – often seated or stationary. In the past and currently, I spend a majority of my day sitting and staring at a computer screen. Not healthy!
Getting outside and enjoying nature is a vitally important part of my day! It helps me to walk, relax and focus on how beautiful life really is. Nature helps me gain a healthy perspective of myself and my surroundings
4.) Control Your Curiosity
You may find this point interesting, but bear with me! How many of you let your curiosity get the better of you. If you know that something triggers your anxiety, STAY AWAY FROM IT!
In many cases, this has to do with allowing toxic relationships to have an unnecessary hold on you. You don’t want them in your life, and yet you still want to know where they are, what they are doing, and what they think of you. Delete, block, and distance yourself! Don’t let unhealthy curiosity control your life.
If someone says, “Did you hear what she said about you?” you can reply, “No, and I am honestly not interested in knowing.”
Be the master of what you allow into your life and mind!
This has had a powerful effect on my self-confidence and self-image.
I have surrounded myself with people who I love and trust – people who don’t have a nasty habit of spreading rumors and gossip. Curiosity has the power to take your anxiety problems to the next level, so learn to control it!
Related Article: 5 Signs Your Relationship Is Absolutely Toxic
5.) Turn on Relaxing Music
Growing up in a musical family, music has always been a powerful source of energy and transformation for me.
The therapeutic benefits of music are undeniably effective. Music has the power to calm anxiety, incite emotions, and change your mood. If your workplace permits it, listen to relaxing music. Turn it on in the car and play it throughout your home. Listen to a music genre that encourages you to relax, breathe deeply, and unwind.
6.) Make Sleep A Priority
Sleep is one of the most overlooked necessities of life.
Did you know that you can only live about 11 days without sleep?
Lack of sleep causes chronic fatigue, headaches, weight gain, confusion, heart problems, and depression. Sleep is essential for a person’s mental and physical wellbeing.
Change up your evening schedule and make it a priority to get 7-8 hours of sleep each night. Anything less should be considered a short-term necessity.
7.) Exercise
To many people, “exercise” is a dirty word. But exercise doesn’t mean that you have to spend an hour at the gym each day or run a marathon.
Take a short walk on your lunch break, take the stairs, take a moment to stretch every few hours, take a walk after work.
This gets your blood moving and releases endorphins – a “feel good” chemical that can improve your mood and relieve stress.
Walking and light exercise is just one of the easy weight loss hacks for every-day life. A
lso, I have created a list of easy, at-home fitness hacks that have really helped me in my busy life!
Exercise has played a major role in clearing my mind and controlling my anxiety. The saying, “run it off” really does apply in this case.
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8.) Spend Some Time with People You Enjoy
Everyone who knows me knows that I LOVE hanging out with fun and uplifting people – a social butterfly! There is nothing like laughter and quality conversation to lift my spirts and give me energy.
Did you know that laughter actually releases endorphins into your brain, also known as the “feel-good hormone”?
Rule: make sure that you are surrounding yourself with truly uplifting people. Because if you hang out with pessimistic, depressing, self-centered people, you will not return home in a good state of mind! This can actually trigger anxiety, putting you in the exact place you tried to get away from.
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9.) Come Up with a Positive Mantra
As my job became increasingly stressful, I found myself with my face in my hands, whispering “I can’t do this, I can’t do this anymore!” This did nothing more than create additional anxiety and a pessimistic viewpoint. I decided to replace that with a goal that I had.
When dealing with difficult people or circumstances, I always say, “Stay calm. It’s almost over, girl!” or “It’s OK, you will never have to be in this situation again.”
My goal has always been to remain calm, cool, and classy in the face of something I detested. If I “let loose”, it actually makes my anxiety 10 times worse.
If your job is stressful, perhaps you can whisper, “Giving Notice Day – November 25th”. Find a sentence that will calm you down and give you hope for the future. It can even be something super cheesy! Whatever works for you!
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Related Article: 13 Successful Habits of All Happy Women
10.) Find An Outlet
We live in the day of screens – phones, iPads, computers, TVs, etc. When we need to relax or find an outlet, we tend to turn on our TV or disappear into the world of social media. This is neither healthy nor productive. Find an outlet away from any electronic device!
During the most stressful part of my life, this was an area that I neglected for quite some time.
However, when I started actively pursuing a hobby, it gave me something to look forward to – an outlet for my anxiety and frustration.
What do you enjoy? Writing, animals, reading, painting, sightseeing, games, cooking, dancing, biking, gardening, photography, etc.
If you cannot think of anything, try something new! I purchased an adult coloring book and would color and listen to relaxing music during some of my lunch breaks. I never thought I would find this relaxing, but I did!
Learning a new skill will help you focus your mind on something other than your anxiety. It will also boost your confidence, as you learn to master a new life skill.
In my life, when I am alone and frustrated, I have found a powerful outlet in prayer.
As a Christian, my relationship with God is very important to me and I have found Him to be an incredible source of strength and comfort in moments when I feel overwhelmed and alone.
Although I have found other amazing “artistic” outlets, prayer remains the most powerful outlet to me. Whenever I feel overwhelmed (whether it is in the car, at the grocery store, working, or at home alone), I just start talking to God and telling Him how I feel.
Related Article: 9 Serious Signs You Have No Work-Life Balance
11.) Drink Water and Take Your Health Supplements
Start chugging some H2O! This was the 1st healthy habit that I created in my life! Now I can’t go anywhere without a bottle of water. Staying properly hydrated is an incredibly important part of your metal and physical well-being.
Did you know that you should be drinking an 8-oz glass of water at least eight times a day (2 liters)? Water helps to boost your metabolism (lose weight) and cleanses your body of unwanted toxins.
Supplements have also played an important role in my journey with anxiety.
When I am stressed, the first thing to go is my health. My immune system lowers and I start to get digestion problems, flus, and colds. Implementing health supplements into my daily regimen has changed my health drastically.
Read about the supplements that I like to take here.
12.) Learn To Breath
In my journey with anxiety, this has been the most difficult part to master!
The first sign that anxiety is creeping into my life is my breathing – my throat closes off and my breaths become labored and difficult.
It can take weeks for me to get back to breathing normally!
Many mental health professionals say to focus on deeply breathing in and out. Personally, I try to NOT focus on my breathing. For a long time, I made it an unhealthy focus. Every waking moment, I was thinking of my breathing because I was worried that I would have another panic attack. I had to learn to not focus on it and instead focus on just living life in a healthy and happy way!
If you have constant trouble breathing, go to a professional and seek help! If your anxiety disorder is controlling your life, you absolutely must see a professional. No amount of online articles can cure an acute anxiety disorder.
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Related Article: 9 Warning Signs That You Are Emotionally and Mentally Exhausted
Learning to live with anxiety can be a difficult process. But it is very possible to live a healthy and full life! Have you read Carson Daly’s story about living with his anxiety disorder? (Read it here) His story is inspirational and his message is powerful! Not enough people talk about this problem and yet it is one of the most common problems in today’s society.
If you have any questions about this article, just let us know in the comment section below! We’d be happy to help you out!